Boulderman's true story:

 When I was 13, I went to a "Turtle Derby", which is a place where you can bet on turtles, and watch them race...is kind of a charity kind of deal. I won a few bucks. After the derby, the club sponsering the event was giving away the turtles--I took one, and named him "Elmo". Anyway, while walking home, I stopped by a buddies house and chugged down a pint of Jack Daniels. I got a pretty good buzz, and walked on home with my turtle. At my parents house (I was late), I proceeded to stagger up the steps...one of them said they smelled alcohol and asked me if I had been drinking. I held up the turtle and looked at it and asked "Have you been drinking, Elmo?" That turtle never could keep a secret...